Read from Lucas directly as they describe navigating coming of age, independence, and their passions.
Funny enough, I feel that one of the hardest questions for me to answer is simply the one asking how I would describe myself. I believe it is vastly different from how anyone else could describe me. I want to say that I’m a normal seventeen year old, but I do not really believe in ‘normal’ ideas, haha. I would say that I am the sort of person who will push myself until I exceed any expectations that anyone has of me. I try to be there for as many people as possible. I’ve been told that I can be funny and quite friendly, which I hope is true! I have a personal goal that I try to accomplish every single day: make at least one person smile.
I adore the arts. I am currently in the SJHS Concert Choir, and I participate in both competition theatre and the fall musical. Outside of things at the high school, I take voice lessons online to improve my singing. While I still do not know if I want to pursue the vocal arts as a career, I personally believe that voice lessons can help a variety of people. I’ve grown in my personal confidence (outside of vocal talents) with my instructor Michael, and it is unbelievable to look at how much I have grown mentally thanks to him.
Theatre is my safe space. I cannot recall when I first was drawn to it, but I know that I never truly had the opportunity to perform until I came to SJHS for my sophomore year. Until then, I simply enjoyed the community online that provided me with so much comfort. Like anything, theatre brings people of similar minds together in an instant. While I do believe that the arts provide a special connection to anyone involve, I also think it is important to look at the unique qualities that come with theatre. I was terrified when I started performing. Still, I had the time of my life. I grew closer with people that I never would have grown closer with otherwise. Those same people convinced me to join competitive theatre, and it completely took over my life (in the best way, of course). I was on the crew for one of our shows, The Drowning Girls, and it was nothing less than fantastic. This show ended up placing first at the state competition, and I’ve never been more proud. Theatre gives me a place that I belong. Even now, as we are in my second year of competitive theatre, I feel at home. My identity is very closely tied with my performing. I’m non-binary, and I use they/he pronouns. I am incredibly open about who I am. The beautiful thing is that there are so many people in our drama groups that support me without question. There are other queer kids who love to add to the arts. At my old school, I was the only (openly) queer kid—to my knowledge. I faced a lot of harassment and downright bullying. Yet the people here treat me as normal. I’m playing a female role in the show we are doing right now, but our student director constantly checks in with me to see what I’m okay with. She prioritizes our boundaries, and I’m beyond grateful. I think that theatre is so accepting due to the fact that everyone has a story to tell. The different stories inspire even MORE stories to come to light, and we simply support each other. We understand that we have our own struggles, and someone has their struggles—we all need support, and that’s okay. I struggle with an almost constant anxiety, but it all washes away when I am pushing myself into the realm of theatrics. I can relate to the characters that I play. I can let out feelings that I never knew that I held in me. The most rewarding part is seeing the end product, and seeing how everyone—cast and crew—comes together to make something beautiful.
It may be simple, but my overall goal is to get through the day. I want to make a positive mark on the world, create a better environment for others, and provide a safe space for people—but I simply cannot do that unless I am here to make it happen.
I have three quotes that speak to me. One is an affirmation, whereas the others are simply motivational. I’m not afraid of reaching out when I need to prioritize my mental health, and there was a period of my life where I was in and out of hospitals. I had been in an outpatient program to ease my way back into normal living, and there was a mental health technician who would write us little poems or notes at the end of each day. He would always write at the bottom: “May you feel safe. May you feel peaceful. May you feel happy. May you feel loved.” So, as Zach said it to me, I always try to echo those words to anyone else who may need them. They’re simple, but effective. Actor Gale Hansen, known for his role in Dead Poets Society, provides more simple, yet effective words of advice: “Have fun & support whimsy.”. A similar quote that I adore is “Keep having fun with it, and good things will come of it.” This quote is said by Jeff Blim, an actor and member of my favorite theatre group known as Team StarKid (or StarKid Productions). What I take from these two quotes is that you need to take time for fun things in your life, or else you’re left to chase after a happiness that won’t arrive. Looking out for your own interests, wants, and needs are just as important as looking out for those of your friends.
I love how welcoming St. Johns has been for me. While I cannot speak for the whole community by any means, the people that I have encountered have been incredibly kind. As stated earlier on, I am very open about my queer identity. I have known that I was a bit different from a very young age, and it has been a battle. I’m from Fowler, and I attended schools in Fowler until my sophomore year. It would be a lie to say that I was unsupported while being at these schools, however that support was not as strong as it is at St. Johns. The staff at FHS were incredibly kind to me and I would never ask anything more from them, so please do not get any wrong intentions when I say any of this. I had a few students throughout the school who supported me, but it was still quite lonely. I was called slurs on the daily by my classmates, was targeted online, was constantly told to kill myself, was threatened on numerous occasions—it was all so much. Fowler is small, and I don’t really blame anyone for how they treated me. I’d like to hope that majority of them were simply trying to fit in to avoid any harassment like how I faced. I hope, with every essence of my being, that none of my old classmates ever have to go through anything close to what I did. Yes, I do miss three or four people from that school, but I’m blown away by how I am treated at SJHS. Students learn my pronouns and use them without question. There’s a GSA (Gender & Sexuality Alliance) where there are more kids like me. I went from being the only openly queer kid to being in a school with a club that celebrated students like me. My teachers look out for me and search for more ways to support students in situations like me. Even now, just writing about it, it feels unreal. I wish I could go and tell freshman year Lucas that all would be fine. I wish that I could go to them when they were feeling alone in a hospital and reassure them that they have opportunities ahead of them that they can’t even begin to dream of. That there are people who want to support and cherish us for who we are. While SJ easily has flaws (any place does), I think that it is better for my mental health to recognize that things are so much better than they were before. As scary as it is to say, I honestly do not think I would have survived high school if I didn’t have the opportunities I have at SJHS.
I don’t know where my role is in this community, honestly. I don’t see myself as any sort of special, notable human being. But what I hope for is that I can be a person who is open about their mental health, about their identity, about who they are, and that I can help others realize that it’s okay. Situations can be scary. They can make you feel so alone that you don’t know what to do but cry. That’s okay. I want to assure people that I’m here to listen, to understand, and to do my best to help. I may not always have the right answers, but I will not stop until I can support someone in the ways that are best for them.
I strongly believe in positive affirmations, so when I find lyrics such as the ones in “Status Quo” from the 2011 Team StarKid musical known as Starship, I feel inclined to share. Whenever I feel as if others are pushing me into a box that I do not fit into, I remember these lyrics:
“So I say no
To status quo!
Who wants to be like the rest
And deny the best that I'm meant for?
I will show
The status quo.
Who cares about normal?
I'll never conform,
I will be content to resent the status quo!”
